It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
