Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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