My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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