His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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