Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
