I got her a Nickelback box set.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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