my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
NoShamevember. You game?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
