If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
