There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
