I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
