can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
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I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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