I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
