Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
