i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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