he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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