I hate your face
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
