she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
