She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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