So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
