if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
