I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
