at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
