Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
