Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize