"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
