My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
