Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
