yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
