i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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