You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
