best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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