i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So apparently I’m into choking now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
