I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
