on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
