Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
