My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
