I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
