We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
