I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
