I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
