11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize