pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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