so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
