why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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