i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize