just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
