all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
