My sheets look like a crime scene.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
