Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
