i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
