I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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