is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
