i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
