When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
