Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
