I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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