1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
