She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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