Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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