Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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