Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
