bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
