Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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