I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
