im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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