We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
