this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
