Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
