I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
